'I'm your mom!': Mother ignores daughter's warnings and takes a job 2 hours away, then expects to move into her house when the commute becomes unbearable

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  • A young woman smiles softly at the camera in a simple portrait that highlights her approachable and friendly demeanor.
  • A couple months ago, my mom (50F) called to tell me (28F) she planned to quit her current full time job and apply for a part time role two hours away from where she lived.
  • When she told me this, I asked how this would work since she still has two kids living at home (14M and 17M) and it's quite the drive.
  • She assured me it would work great since it's only part time and she planned on selling her house and buying a new one an hour away from her new work location. Knowing her credit score is insanely low and she let the house fall into serious disrepair after she divorced my step dad and kicked him out, I advised her not to do it, but she wouldn't listen. She applied and got the job.
  • Now, she is realizing just how long the drives are and she found out the "part time" job has 6 hour shifts 7 days in a row, 3 days in a row, etc. Less than 24 hours before her first shift, she texted me to ask if she could stay the night for a week straight.
  • Not just her but her dog too.
  • My husband, daughter, and I live an hour from her new job and our cat is super anxious and pees in the house if anything changes or isn't to his liking. The neighbor's dog is an AH and barks at everyone and wanders into our yard constantly. On top of that, my husband wakes up between 3:30am and 5am during the week.
  • I said all this to my mom and told her she could stay for the super late nights and early morning shifts but this couldn't be a constant and she'd have to figure out other lodgings eventually.
  • Tonight, when I told her she could stay tomorrow but she'll need to figure out other options in the future, she said, "No it's ridiculously, I'm your mom is you ever needed a place to stay I always had a spot for you it's fine."
  • Every time I try to put boundaries in place so we don't constantly have a guest staying with us all summer (and likely past summer), she just guilt trips me and makes me feel like an AH.
  • TLDR: My mom quit her full time job with benefits to work part time two hours away. When I asked her how that would work and suggested it was a bad idea, she ignored my advice. Now, she's asking to stay with us for days at a time (for an unspecified amount of time until she sells her house) because I'm closer and she's discovering she didn't plan things out properly.
  • A confident middle-aged woman poses for a portrait against a clean background.
  • BookishIntrovert99 Who's staying with your siblings when she's at your place overnight? NTA
  • UnbearableWhit Don't let her stay. She'll never leave. Especially since she's willing to leave the minors alone...
  • Ok_Association_5195 NTA. Mother or not, she doesn't get to disrupt your household because she didn't think her life decisions all the way through, especially after you toward her it was a mistake.
  • SeparateCzechs Your mother is abandoning your teenaged siblings to work this part time job. I'll venture that the job switch was for the purpose of encroaching on you and your home. The question is why. What is she seeking? Whatever it is she wants it from you.
  • boundaries4546 "Sorry Mom the only thing that is ridiculous is you assuming that you will be a part time roommate. We are unable to accommodate you, and will not open the door for you."
  • Oven Ok6844 NTA. You have your own home and family. You aren't obligated to provide lodging for your mother because she did something stupid. And why does she need to bring her dog??
  • Poundaflesh She can't guilt trip you if you refuse to play that game.
  • tiredgummybear So she leaves your minor sibling for a week at a time? They should stay with you, not her... NTA for your question, but this is much more disturbing. Is she an unfit mother?
  • Passengers stand and sit inside a crowded subway car as they make their way through the city during a busy commute.
  • WildlyAdmired I know this will sound stupid, but she doesn't own your home or your life. Tell her if she can't accept your boundaries, she can't stay at all. If she has a key, change the locks. She knows you are a pushover, it's time to change her opinion of you. I will give you the shirt off my back if you respect me. I will burn you if you don't. She believes you will - give in show her who you really are.
  • Which Witch9402 Tell her no. Don't give her a key. If she shows up and disturbs you tell her she is not invited in and she needs to leave. If you have trouble doing that and husband is OK being the bad guy then he can tell her. But you really need to set the boundary and tell her no. You made a mistake telling her she could stay for the late/early shift. Now she thinks it's OK.
  • ChickenStardom NTA. The best way to find out if someone is toxic is to set boundaries with them and see how they respond. She's showing you. She made a foolish decision, ignoring an outcome that was easily foreseeable. You have an obligation to protect your home and your family and you know your limitations. Good on you for setting the boundary, now hold to it and keep it reinforced.

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